The Sigley Bank of Knowledge

Driving

2008-09-23T12:28:00.000-07:00

Belief: Sigley believes that you must at all times have 2 hands on the wheel of a car or it's illegal. You furthermore cannot have anything dangling from your rear view mirror.

Why this is awesome: Because people with stick shifts are totally screwed and odds are anything that actually obstructs your view that hangs from your rear view mirror is going to break it off.

Philanthropy

2008-01-27T13:27:00.000-08:00

Eric Heffinger: So I think we should see if we can rent out the parking lot behind the library to hold the event.

Sigley (As he's standing there listening and no more than 2 seconds later): Oh guys, you know what? They used to have it in the parking lot behind the library so we should see if we can rent that lot out for the philanthropy...

Why this is so awesome: Laughter ensued for the next 10 minutes.

Community Service

2007-09-19T19:06:00.000-07:00

Said in a Meeting:

Larry: "..and I'll also be setting up some community service events with Alpha Phi Omega, the service fraternity."

Larry sits down and Sigley raises his hand to speak.

Sigley: "Hey I don't know who's in charge of Community service but I just wanted to suggest that maybe we could set up some community service events with Alpha Phi Omega, the service fraternity..."

Why this is so awesome: Because after laughing at him hysterically he still didn't get why it was so funny. He still didn't get what we were laughing at.

Poll Results

2007-09-15T19:39:00.000-07:00

The poll results are in!

By unanimous decision, Sigley looks more like the Muppet Fozzie than a clown.

Vote on our next poll!

Sigley Video #1

2007-09-13T12:01:00.000-07:00

We are proud to present the first Sigley video:

Dry Cleaners

2007-09-12T15:37:00.000-07:00

False Knowledge #1

Sigley Says: The maxmimum time you have before a Dry Cleaner throws out your clothing is 2 weeks.

Why this is so awesome: Because he was so dead certian about this deadline compounded with the fact that almost all dry cleaners will keep your clothes for up to 6 months.

Late Pizza

2007-09-09T12:38:00.000-07:00

Late Pizza Delivery Entitlement:

According to our beloved Sigley, if the pizza man shows up 20 minutes late with your pizza, you have the right to open the door, snatch the pizza, and slam the door without paying no matter what the restaurant is, or their late delivery policy is.

Why this is so Awesome: Because it's fucking stealing, but try to convince him of that!

Creation, Purpose, and First Entry

2007-09-09T04:21:00.000-07:00

We all know him. We all love him. But there are times when we our brains want to explode because of him. He's Matthew Sigley and he has some very different opinions about the world. This blog is dedicated in love for our brother Matthew Sigley (from here on out referred to simply as Sigley) and his odd and humorous bank of knowledge.

What is sigley's bank of Knowledge? Sigley knows a ridiculous amount of false information and feels the need to tell us about it giving some BS reason for knowing it to be true. Here's our first example of "Sigley Knowledge" which I would submit to the Sigley Bank of Knowledge.

AC and Fat People

Sigley asked himself one day "why do some on campus buildings over use their AC and create seemingly sub arctic weather conditions within?" His answer: "Well fat people and skinny people tend to perceive temperatures differently. For example when a fat person is sweating, a skinny person may be just fine or even slightly chilly. Thus all of the managers of the AC in these buildings must all be fat guys because they always think it's hot."

Why this is so awesome: Because it's so stupidly ingenious and overly complicated that only Sigly could have thought it up.